Love Burritos.
Those times when it just feels like all of the stars aligned and there was this beautiful hum to what you were doing and it all rolled up into this wonderful, delicious, yummy thing. Maybe it was a time when you were lost in creating, or you had that one magical night out with your friends, or your speech ended in a standing ovation.
You revisit these times in your heart and while the memory can still light you up, the Love Burrito itself has come and gone, eaten the day it happened. You now have its goodness inside you.
Sometimes our expectations on a repeat Love Burrito can lead to sadness, emptiness.
The suffering comes when we try to exist on that historical Love Burrito. We try and re-create the conditions and make everything just so…
Not too long ago I was invited to speak at a local spot where I had spoken once before. The first time I spoke there, it was fantastic. So why was I feeling so blah blah about the new opportunity?
The first event had so much excitement around it; I was excited that people were having me speak, and the people having me speak were super excited too. The weeks building up to the event were extra fun because there was this eager anticipation I felt. The promotion for this event happened effortlessly and there were ample RSVP’s. I remember walking in on the night of the event, the crowd was really fun – there was a definite hum happening — even the space seemed sparkly and shiny. Even the food was prepared lovingly, yes they even had special treats made for my talk!
I went home feeling like I would not be able to sleep; I was so happy, so contented. And as my head hit the pillow that night, and I had this feeling of well done Robbie! but also, I had this sense of ‘one-and-done.’ I was even feeling it earlier, when the event coordinator said, let’s plan your next event soon! I was already feeling a “NO” in my belly I really couldn’t explain. And later, when the ‘formal’ request came, Let’s do it again! Bring your magic to us again! I still didn’t want to do it.
I didn’t feel good about it but I said yes anyway.
Instead of trusting and honoring how it was feeling for me, instead of honoring my knowing that this had been a ‘one-and-done’ thing for me, I took my wobbles to a few people who said: Do it! You should do it! But I still didn’t feel excited, I still couldn’t find the muster to do the event. And then a friend of mine said, Are you sure this isn’t you being too introverted? If you want to be successful, you’ve gotta get out there…people won’t know you if you don’t get out there. And then I started worrying about making those people happy, instead of following my own gut.
I said yes and then tried to make it the right thing. I was banking on the old Love Burrito’s juju.
And then the place forgot to promote the event.
And nobody remembered to put up my flyers.
And when I stopped in to ask about the RSVP’s, the people working there had no clue what event I was even talking about.
The Love Burrito wasn’t there anymore.
That particular event was a one-time magical thing and the point of it was never to have it over and over, again and again. I couldn’t repeat that night, nor did I want to.
It’s like that – you look back and say to yourself, that was a wonderful thing and then you try to recreate it but you can’t shove it in the Tupperware and expect to find it intact the next time. It was an offering for your expanded transformation, or delight, or consciousness, or whatever you want to call it, and whenever we think of it now we should feel delight and gratitude and even learn to use the good vibe feelings as guidance about what makes us happy in the future… but it’s not a kindness to expect or plan for a re-creation of that particular Love Burrito – it came and it went and now it is time for new ones.
Another day, another Love Burrito.
The days leading up to the event hardly felt good.
I felt agitated. I didn’t feel aligned with my true self. I wasn’t sleeping well. And then then I contacted the person in charge and asked about the lack of muster for this event. On my insides, I was intending this to be the conversation where we both realized it just wasn’t meant to be but instead there were a lot of embarrassed apologies and flusters and quick jerky movements trying to make it alright again and I just couldn’t say it… even though I knew you really can’t make something alright that began on funky energy to begin with.
Well, you can, but you usually wind up in these kinds of situations.
Hoping your heart will be satisfied when your heart already isn’t in it is never the best idea.
So the day arrived, and I went and gave my talk to a crowd of quickly assembled people. Well-meaning friends of friends. Favor-doers. And it was fine. But do you want to feel just fine after something like this? I know I don’t. While I did own my shizzle, it was a less-than-spectacular kind, like shizzle pushing through Jell-o. There was less sparkle.
It was a bummer.
People enjoyed it, but their enjoyment was of the polite kind. The love and appreciation from the audience was more of the ‘I am here because I don’t want to let my friend down’ kind which can never really be about what you’re really trying to call in, can it? But you know what, that’s not even the most important part. The most important point is that way at the beginning of this whole thing I knew it was a one-time thing, transformation happened for the audience and for me that first time I spoke there, and then it was time to move on. And I didn’t listen.
I didn’t trust my gut. I didn’t give myself the space to know.
And so it didn’t matter one bit that other people liked it – or that it was a hit, I didn’t like it. I didn’t. And I am the one who matters here, me. Not what the audience thinks or what the customer wants… ME.
I pushed myself into re-creating that Love Burrito and the truth is I did not love it, I did not enjoy it.
I could finally see the error of my ways. I wasn’t trusting. I wasn’t honoring. I was pushing, trying to re-create the Love Burrito that was, instead of moving on with the knowing in my heart that there are so many more Love Burritos to be had.
The entire process felt dulled and stale for me and I knew it did right from the start. That’s the take-away. You want to feel excited. You want to feel delighted. And you can’t always listen to other people who think it’s a good idea because your metric always needs to be your own.
What if we could go away from magical events knowing the point is always to receive the goodness, to receive the vibration with no strings attached?
To me, a lot could be helped by learning to see these happenings are always about the inner sparkler that ignites. There’s some kind of magical fabulousness to be received here. Maybe the big epiphany comes for you, maybe you blow through some major blocks in an instant, maybe it’s not even about you — it’s about the people in the audience who are needing what is channeling through you. But always, our job is to receive it in the moment and appreciate it and allow the transformational juju to happen for us.
We suffer when we try and trap the Love Burrito and keep it in some kind of freshness Tupperware.
We suffer when we do that. Maybe all the days after, we are sad – if even just a little – because we cannot recreate what once was. You got the entire Love Burrito in one sitting. You got the download, you had the breakthrough, you had the vision, what needed to happen happened. Don’t make yourself pressured thinking you have to do this thing every single day or month or week or year, trying to recreate the magic again. You can’t go back but you can move forward with the good vibes and allow them to inform you about what you’d love in the future.
What if you realized that all of life is filled with little Love Burritos and even you yourself are a constantly evolving sweet and magical Love Burrito.
You’re constantly transforming and you’re not ever the same you.
How would this change things?
You deserve fresh delight on a daily basis my friend. We all do.
Sending you much love and sparkles today!
xo
