On how to be yourself and confidently love who you are and break free from of the herd of everyone else.
May this go to just the right hearts today.
All your life you tried to be the good little sheepie.
From the time you were a baby ewe, you tried to fit in with the flock, dutifully doing the things that the other sheepies did.
You ate grass.
You stayed close to the herd.
You perfected your “bah.”
You wanted to be good.
But sometimes, from the somewhere deep inside (in a place you liked to call Nowhere Land), you felt an urge to do things differently. It called to you.
You wondered: what would it be like to eat something different? To roam on a new slope? To play with different sheep? To say something other than, “bah” all the time?
These longings from Nowhere Land both excited and scared you.
Mostly they scared you.
All your life, you heard about the bad sheep, those outcast loners who had been shunned by the herd for not doing “good sheep” right. You lived in fear of this happening to you; the fear of being cast out kept you up at night.
To the best of your ability, you made it your habit to ignore the inner calls from Nowhere Land and just stick to the rules of the herd. You set your little sheepie chin in a firm resolve to follow the rules no matter what.
And you followed.
And you followed.
And you followed.
And although you were not happy, you pretended that you were.
You pretended you did not care about what would it be like to eat something different; to roam on a new slope; to play with different sheep; to say something other than, “bah.”
But sometimes, the pull from Nowhere Land was just too strong (and it was getting harder and harder to deny the shroud of sadness) you had to go visit, you just couldn’t help it.
In your moments of weakness, you’d run over to the dark side of the slope, where the herd couldn’t see you and you’d do things like wild sheepie dancing and make strange little sounds.
This delighted you to no end.
It was something special and different and it was all your own.
It filled you up.
You wondered, why is this so bad?
How could something this delightful be so wrong?
Why did wild sheepie dancing and strange little sounds turn someone into an outcast sheep?
You didn’t understand. You thought about it all the time while you stayed close to your flock, eating the grass, saying, “bah.”
Sometimes you’d do little things to test the rules–like do your fur differently and say things like, “Le Bah!” for a change–but the moment you did, the flock turned their back and this was all you needed to know.
Your deepest longing was to feel welcome in the herd.
You wanted to matter and feel seen and to belong.
But you were sick of pretending to fit in. But even as you felt yourself inching closer and closer to freedom, the shame of the outcast sheep spoke to your heart.
It was terrifying.
You’d lie awake at night with a heavy heart wondering: Why is this happening to me?
You couldn’t stand it anymore and so you hatched a plan: good sheep by day, outcast sheep by night.
This worked for most of your life.
(Never mind that you suffered from a constant, low-grade unhappiness.)
(Never mind that you lost little pieces of yourself and the pain in your heart deepened and your sad shroud became thicker.)
You spent time feeling so lost that you decided to try other flocks but it was always the same: conform or be cast out.
Eventually, you gave up on Nowhere Land. You went back to being just another one of the flock. Grass, herd, bah. Grass, herd, bah. Smile like you mean it. Pretend it’s all fine.
It was for the best.
You stopped asking questions.
You gave up your wild sheepie dancing and strange little noises.
But that’s when the lights went out.
It was bad. And you knew it.
Soon you found yourself on a therapist’s couch.
And the therapist encouraged you to explore.
So you started to read books about sheep in the wild. And that helped some, but you were so scared. You knew there was no going back to your herd as the “good sheep.” That part was over.
A friend told you to try yoga, and this eventually led you to meditation.
And there was no going back! 🙂
And then you found yourself with a healer.
And she began to help you tell the true story of who you really are.
Which brings us to the present moment.
It is time I tell you who you truly are.
Who you’ve been all along, actually.
You have never been just one of the flock. You’ve never been the neutered good sheep, with bland little likes, afraid and alone. I know you’ve been told since you were a baby ewe that you were raised to be just like everyone else, same same same. But it just isn’t so.
The place you keep calling Nowhere Land? It’s pronounced: Now Here Land.
Yes, Now Here Land: the place inside you–the one you’ve both feared and loved–has always been the perfect spot where you could be your truest self. A place where you could always know that you are loved and you belong here and that your little dances and special sheepie noises are very much needed in the world.
You, my dear, are a magical breed: a rainbow-colored sheep with a unicorn horn, hailing from a distant land called Now Here, where the air is clear and the dung is magical. More of your kind are out there, just waiting for you to take your place.
It’s time to return to Now Here Land and dance once again.
I want to see your wild sheepie dance.
I want to hear your special sheepie noises.
I want to see you connect with your people.
xxo
