Will history repeat itself?
Have you ever had the fear you would make the same mistakes your parents made with you?
Did you grow up promising yourself: I will never EVER do that to my kid?
I did too 🙂 And then, I watched in horror while I did the exact same things my parents did to me!
Hi Robin, I’ve always had a weird relationship with my mother to the point I cut off all contact with her for years thinking that was the solution. I’m now a mother and I am terrified of history repeating itself when it comes to my daughter.
I am at times overly conscious not to do similar things my mother did to me but I feel that the fear of what could happen is holding me back from having the relationship I dream of with my daughter.
Hello Friend, First of all, WOW. I admire you for the mother you already are.
I see the growth and maturity of your journey. The very fact that you’re sitting with these questions shows me history is not repeating itself.
Your longing for a relationship with your daughter which makes your heart soar is beautiful.
It’s only natural that you would feel concern given the history with your mother.
Weird relationship “stuff” in our history leaves us feeling cautious about relationships in the now.
We wonder: Will I do what she did to me? Will history repeat itself?
Although you may say 100 times per day: I will not do what was done to me, you are going to f**k it up from time to time with your daughter.
Be easy about that. Get comfortable with this.
What do I mean by that? Perfect moms just aren’t real. And, that’s the problem, isn’t it? The more we try to be so good at mothering so that we never ever repeat what was done to us, the harder it is for us to feel free and easy in our very own lives.
Striving for perfection makes us uptight, anxious, distracted.
You may know this already: You are not your mother.
You are a strong, beautiful, courageous, bright, brave, adventurous, successful, creative, enlightened, fun woman.
You were put on this earth to shine your light in a way that no one else can. You have to keep rocking it, exactly as you are. Fully out in the open.
You’re gonna make mistakes. And, when you do, just ask for a do-over.
Remember do-overs from when we were little? They’re very cool things to do when you feel your ship went aground. At any time, you can say to your daughter: Sweetie, can mommy have a do-over? I’ve been feeling bad about what I said to you earlier. Let’s try again.
OOH, that makes my heart melt. And, how I wish my mother had said it to me just once.
Most of the time when we feel we’ve screwed up, the tendency is to pretend it didn’t happen. This never works out well.
You may find times when you say the very thing your mother said to you.
It’s gonna happen. You are going to occasionally behave the way your mother did.
Don’t hate yourself for that. Those are the moments we need to be extra kind to ourselves. Instead, marvel at how deep this stuff is stored, so much so that when we blank out, we repeat exactly what was done to us!
And, maybe you’re afraid if you do anything weird like your mother did with you, your daughter will cut off all contact with you.
If this is even 1% true, please take some time to work with this fear. Get to know this part of you who fears history will repeat itself. This is the part of you that keeps putting on the brakes each time you and your daughter take a leap into the unknown together.
You have a dream about the kind of relationship you want with your beautiful daughter. This is a sacred intention.
Right now, take a moment to see the two of you exactly as you’d like it to be. See yourself really “going for it” and let yourself see how much your little girl loves being with her mommy.
You are the person that sweet little girl chose to be her mommy. She picked you on purpose.
Get out there and rock your relationship like you really mean it.
And, let me know how it’s going.
I’m gonna hold you in my heart, send you all a little light. Something big is healing in your lineage. It’s very special.
XO
